Goodnight Children Everywhere and Other Plays Read online

  PHILIP: Yes, yes, I’m sorry. Is that more?

  JOE: One at a time. I have to do one at a time. This is getting too complicated.

  SCENE 2

  RYE, EAST SUSSEX

  A garden behind a small cottage. A few tables, chairs. A path leads off in one direction. Harriet Baldwin, with a tray of tea, cups, etc., and Katie.

  HARRIET: They must have gone down the path. He must be showing them Lamb House. If you want to catch up—

  KATIE: No, thanks.

  (Short pause. Katie rubs her shoulders as Harriet begins to set a table for tea.)

  HARRIET: You’re not chilled, are you? We could sit inside. I suppose it may seem a little nippy.

  KATIE: I’m fine. I have the sweater. And my coat is just—

  HARRIET (Not listening): I find it— Such weather. I don’t know. Just bloody invigorating. One learns after all these years what the British see in their gardens. (Almost drops a teacup)

  KATIE: Mrs. Baldwin, you’re sure I can’t—

  HARRIET: Lamb House is where Henry James lived.

  KATIE: I know. Dad read all about it to me on the train.

  HARRIET: It’s much bigger than this house. He got the gout there. (Short pause) I suppose it’s half the reason Professor Baldwin and I have retired to here, if the truth be told.

  KATIE: So Dad says.

  HARRIET: Jamesian Sussex. (Beat) Just the name is quite seductive. Though we very seriously considered Dickensian London. At first I favored this. We even checked out a flat near the East End. (Beat) The Barbican Towers. Lovely. (Beat) Beautiful fountain. (Beat) Daniel Defoe Tower it was in. We both feel Defoe a very underrated writer. But they gave him a nice tower though. Your father, of course, Katie, kept suggesting Liverpool because of Hawthorne having been consul there. (Beat) We took the train up. (Beat) I don’t think your father’s ever really been to Liverpool.

  KATIE: I don’t know.

  HARRIET: There’s Wordsworth country, of course. We thought of this. (Beat) Stratford obviously was out of the question. One might as well be living in Connecticut. (Beat. She blows on her hands) It’s not that much warmer in there. The central heating is being put in. If we had known how much that would cost— But we did get all this for a very modest price. Something like this in the States— Something historic like this— (Beat) You couldn’t touch it. We couldn’t have touched it. (Beat) We consider ourselves very lucky, Katie. Very lucky. (Finishes setting the table) English, isn’t it?

  KATIE: I’m sorry?

  HARRIET: Joe’s hooked you for the department, I understand.

  KATIE: Oh. Yes. I’m an English major now.

  HARRIET: Excellent. A great department. Professor Baldwin knew how to pick teachers. So even though we’re retired . . . (Beat) You will not be sorry. Our English department is one of the best departments in the whole college.

  (Orson Balwin, Joe and Philip enter from the path.)

  PHILIP (To Orson): I stood right up and said—remember, I was only a sophomore. But I stood there and said to Professor Wilson—(To Joe) Did I ever tell you this?

  JOE: What story are you telling now?

  PHILIP: About quoting Gandhi to Professor Wilson.

  JOE: Oh, that one.

  PHILIP: I said to Professor Wilson—something like: let the judges be judged by the laws they enforce. I don’t remember the exact quote. (Beat) But what I meant was: if this faculty disciplinary committee was going to kick me out of school for stopping an army recruiter, then they were going to be judged by the war that recruiter was working for.

  JOE: Wasn’t he clever, Orson?

  ORSON: Who was going to judge them? I don’t get it.

  PHILIP: I was talking—morally. I was after their consciences.

  JOE: Wilson, I’m sure, would have been very upset.

  PHILIP: The most liberal professor on the campus at the time. Half of my philosophy class with him was on pacifism.

  JOE: I took the class. That’s why Gandhi’s just a brilliant idea.

  PHILIP: Let’s say I made my point.

  JOE: It must have blown his mind.

  PHILIP: He hated the war as much as—

  ORSON: I’ll find the sherry.

  (Beat.)

  JOE: Orson, I’m sorry, we’re—

  ORSON: Please. Every generation needs its war stories. Sherry, Katie?

  JOE: I don’t think she’s ever even had sherry, have you?

  KATIE: I’ll pass. But thanks for asking, Professor Baldwin.

  (Orson leaves in the direction of the house. Short pause.)

  HARRIET: I’m also making tea.

  PHILIP: You’re spoiling us.

  (Short pause.)

  JOE: Now, if I’d tried Gandhi on the town judge . . . (Beat) When we stopped our recruiter.

  PHILIP (To Katie): This is a different recruiter. (To Joe) He’d either have tarred and feathered you—

  JOE: Dumb as a brick, that man. Hated anyone from the college. You know he gave me a suspended sentence. It’s still on my record. In some people’s eyes even today I’m a criminal, a radical criminal.

  HARRIET: In whose eyes? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re—

  KATIE: They stopped a soldier from recruiting students for the war.

  PHILIP: We each did. At different times.

  JOE: I had already graduated. But I was still in Middlebury because Mary was still a student. (Beat) Phil was also still as student.

  HARRIET: When was this? I haven’t heard anything about this.

  JOE: Years and years ago, Harriet. The Dark Ages. (Beat. To Katie and Philip.) And I didn’t get any faculty committee, I was arrested. By the police. (Beat) Mary was pregnant with Katie. Fifty dollars for bail. That’s what I made in a week at the bookshop.

  HARRIET: I’m sorry—which bookshop?

  JOE: At the Grange. Before it was a movie theatre.

  HARRIET: I loved that bookshop. (To Katie) It had a fireplace.

  JOE: It was a gas. There wasn’t a chimney.

  HARRIET: And big chairs. And a cat.

  JOE: That was our cat. Before we had Katie, Mary and I had a cat.

  PHILIP: I remember that cat. What was its name? Che?

  JOE: I don’t remember.

  KATIE: I think Mom said it was Che.

  JOE: Who can remember? (To Philip) You had a dog named Fidel.

  PHILIP: It wasn’t my dog. I didn’t feed it.

  JOE: You named it.

  (Short pause.)

  PHILIP: How did we get on to . . .?

  JOE: I don’t know. (Beat) Orson’s Henry James class. And to that from Lamb House.

  PHILIP: That’s right.

  JOE: Philip was saying how he had to cut Orson’s class so he could go and stop the recruiter.

  PHILIP: I didn’t ask. I just did it. I was a sophomore.

  HARRIET: You had to have been a good student to get into his James seminar as a sophomore.

  PHILIP: This was second semester.

  HARRIET: Still . . .

  KATIE: And Professor Baldwin, he was understanding . . . about your cutting the class.

  (Orson enters with the sherry and glasses.)

  PHILIP: No, he tried to flunk me. He didn’t even stop there, he tried to get me kicked out of school. I thought he was a fascist. To this day, I can’t help tying Henry James to fascism. (Laughs)

  JOE: Not completely off the mark.

  HARRIET: (To Orson): Dear, I think these young men are calling you a fascist.

  (Orson shrugs and sets down the drinks.)

  JOE: Orson, you really tried to kick Philip out of school?

  ORSON: I tried to kick them all out. (Beat) As for you, maybe I even talked to the town judge. I thought you should get at least six months. In a prison. (Short pause) You weren’t a student anymore so of course I was speaking only as a concerned citizen. (Beat) I think I talked to him. I wanted to at least.

  (Pause.)

  JOE (Suddenly laughs): You’re joking.

&
nbsp; ORSON: No.

  (Pause.)

  PHILIP (To Joe): He tried to get you thrown into—?

  JOE: But you hired me—both of us—right out of grad school. You brought us into the department.

  ORSON: In life, you take one thing at a time. (Downs his sherry) My understanding was that my students were in college to study. Those who wished not to or had better, more relevant things to do, were welcome to go do them.

  (Pause.)

  PHILIP: (Changing the subject): Lamb House is quite beautiful, Katie. If you feel like it you really should go and take a look. (To Orson) James spent what? Maybe twenty years there.

  ORSON: Didn’t you read the plaque?

  (Frankie comes out of the house; she puts on her coat.)

  FRANKIE: No one’s been murdered by terrorists today. Though Donna Silliman has left her passport on a bus.

  ORSON: Silliman? Is that Jewish?

  JOE: No. (Beat. Confused, he looks at the others) I think her background’s Greek. But what does that have to do with anything?

  (Orson shrugs.)

  FRANKIE: Henry’s taking her to the embassy.

  ORSON: Henry?

  PHILIP: Henry McNeil. He and his wife are with us as well.

  ORSON: Really? The department is that affluent now? (Laughs to himself and shakes his head)

  (Short pause.)

  PHILIP (To Frankie): If you feel like it, Lamb House is just—

  HARRIET: No one ever lost their passport when we ran the trip. (Beat) What sort of girl is this one?

  ORSON: She’s not Jewish.

  HARRIET: I heard this, Orson.

  (Beat.)

  JOE: Well— She’s— (Beat) She’s smart. (Beat) She’s fine. Isn’t she, Katie? Katie knows her.

  KATIE: I don’t know her. I’ve talked to her a few times. She’s OK. She’s really OK. (Beat) I like her.

  (Short pause.)

  JOE (To Orson): Katie likes her.

  (Orson nods and pours himself another sherry.)

  (Looks at Frankie and Philip) Orson, since Henry McNeil’s name has come up on its own. Would you have a minute or two for business?

  (Short pause.)

  ORSON (Nodding toward Katie): What about . . .?

  JOE: Katie, maybe you should go take a look at Lamb House now.

  HARRIET: Or come inside with me. I was just about to make the salad.

  KATIE: I’d be happy to help, Mrs. Baldwin. (To the others, as they go) I understand. Department business.

  (They go into the house.)

  JOE: It was easier, Orson, when she wasn’t going to the college. She wasn’t interested in anything we talked about then. Anyway, about Henry.

  ORSON: I know what you—

  JOE: You probably do, but let me say it anyway.

  ORSON: And I told you—

  JOE: I know you did, but please, Orson, I’m the chairman of the department now, not you. (Short pause) Sorry.

  ORSON: Never be sorry for saying the truth.

  (Short pause.)

  JOE: The dean says— (To Philip and Frankie) Correct me if I misstate. (To Orson) He says that we either release Henry after this term or offer him tenure track. It’s no more one-year contracts for him. (Beat) Of course he’s right. It isn’t fair to anyone.

  ORSON: No. It isn’t. (Beat) But I gather, Mr. Chairman, that you don’t wish to offer him—

  JOE: His degree, Orson, it’s from Case Western Reserve. That’s not exactly Harvard.

  ORSON: No.

  JOE: That is not our standard.

  ORSON: No.

  PHILIP: He’s been great to have, though. Really filled the gaps. Who else was going to teach Milton?

  FRANKIE: He’s a dear, lovely man.

  PHILIP: And Betty— Everyone adores her.

  JOE: They paid their own way here. He wanted that much to come. (Beat) I guess he felt if he came then—

  ORSON: He’s here to kiss ass, is that what you want to say?

  JOE: No, I’m not— I wouldn’t put it that way. (Beat) He’s not official. His being here. That’s all I meant to say.

  (Pause.)

  PHILIP (Finally): Any advice, Orson?

  ORSON (Turning to them): If you’re talking about next year—

  JOE: We are.

  ORSON: Then you’d better start interviewing, it’s already—

  JOE: We have.

  (Beat.)

  ORSON: Then McNeil already knows.

  JOE: No. (Beat) No, he doesn’t.

  PHILIP: He’s hoping for one more year. He’s been applying all over the place. But he’s set his sights a little too high, we think.

  ORSON: Of course! We’ve spoiled him!

  FRANKIE: He’s had a couple of close calls.

  JOE: Henry getting something, that would be the answer. That’s the hope.

  ORSON: Yes, that would let you off the hook. (Laughs to himself. Short pause) I don’t see what choice you have but to tell him. Especially as you’ve begun to interview.

  JOE: We’ve offered someone his job actually.

  ORSON: Then—

  JOE (Turning to Philip and Frankie): Young woman out of Yale. Very bright, isn’t she? She’ll teach Milton as well. Seems to be he’s even a hobby of hers, if you can believe that. (Laughs. No one else does. To Orson) She hasn’t signed the contract. I guess we could lose her. I had thought that maybe we shouldn’t tell Henry until we were absolutely sure we had this new person. I didn’t want to get the department in a hole.

  ORSON: No. You don’t want to do that. Never do that. (Beat) The problem then is—what to tell Henry now.

  JOE: I know you’ve had to deal with things like this before.

  PHILIP: He’s spent a lot of money, just the airfares for him and Betty—

  ORSON: Have you thought about telling McNeil the truth?

  (Joe looks to Frankie and Philip.)

  JOE: We’ve been telling him the truth, Orson. You don’t think that we’ve been lying—?

  ORSON: I mean all the truth. Everything. Tell him he’s out. Come next year that is the fact, isn’t it?

  JOE: Yes, but— (He looks at Philip and Frankie) Yes. That is the fact. Even if this woman from Yale doesn’t— I have a file of at least ten others.

  ORSON: I’m thinking of the department now. (Turns and points his finger at Joe) As you should be, Joe. (Beat) The longer you wait the more resentful he’s going to be. This sort of situation, it can cause a lot of shit. Suddenly you have a teacher who isn’t bothering to teach anymore. This has happened, Joe.

  JOE: I know the case you’re talking about.

  PHILIP: If that’s the thinking, why not just tell Henry the last day of classes when he can’t do any harm? (Beat) I’m not suggesting this.

  ORSON: It wouldn’t work. He’d have forced the issue weeks before with the dean. (Beat) You tell him now, you also tell him he’s got a recommendation from you whenever he needs it. Whether he’s resentful or not there’s his reason for behaving himself.

  (Pause.)

  JOE: Then the right thing seems to be to tell him. (Beat) The truth.

  ORSON: If I were you.

  (Short pause.)

  PHILIP: I agree with Orson. We should tell him.

  FRANKIE: We have to, Joe. (Beat. To Philip) I love Henry, don’t you?

  (Short pause.)

  JOE: Then— OK. (To Frankie and Philip) I’ll do it. While we’re here, I’ll do it. (Beat) This week I’ll— (Beat) Tomorrow I will do it. (Beat) Thanks, Orson. Thanks for your wisdom.

  (Orson nods and pours himself more sherry.)

  ORSON (Pouring): Too bad Henry’s not black. He’d get a job like that. (Snaps his fingers)

  PHILIP: Orson, that’s— (Stops himself)

  ORSON: How are the children, Frankie?

  FRANKIE: Great. (Beat) And Howard’s great, too. Sends his best.

  JOE: Howard was given the Stirling Biology Chair, you know.

  ORSON: I read this in the Alumni Review. Congratulations.

&nb
sp; (Harriet and Katie come out.)

  HARRIET: Can we come out now? You looked from the window like you were winding down.

  ORSON: I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to—

  HARRIET: Dinner will be ready in ten minutes.

  (They sit. Pause.)

  ORSON: Anyone want more sherry?

  (They shake their heads.)

  HARRIET: So how many students do you have with you this year?

  JOE: It’s twenty-two, isn’t it? Counting Katie.

  KATIE: Why wouldn’t you count me, I’m a student.

  JOE: And we’ve seen what? Fifteen plays so far, in the first two and a half weeks. Another, I think—

  PHILIP: Twelve or thirteen to go.

  FRANKIE: We’ve seen some wonderful things. We’ll be in Stratford later this week.

  ORSON: The students will love that. When I ran this course Stratford was always the high point. (Short pause. Laughs to himself) I remember a Much Ado we saw—

  JOE: I think I was with you that year.

  FRANKIE: We saw a Misanthrope that was very funny, Orson.

  ORSON: I don’t like French plays. I don’t know why.

  PHILIP: There was the Shaw. Katie just loved the Shaw.

  KATIE (Smiling): I didn’t say I loved it that much!

  JOE: Don’t back down now!

  (He laughs. All except the Baldwins laugh.)

  ORSON: Shaw is very underestimated today. Very. You know they’ve discovered some letters between James and Shaw. Very interesting.

  HARRIET: You’ve been to the National, I suppose.

  FRANKIE: A few times already. It’s like nothing else, is it?

  (Short pause.)

  PHILIP: At one of the buffets we had a main course and wine and it cost what?

  FRANKIE: Five pounds at the most.

  JOE: Not even that much.

  PHILIP: It was under three. I mean, it was cheap.

  SCENE 3

  FOYLE’S BOOKSHOP, STREET LEVEL

  A large table full of books with only their spines showing (the sale table). Joe, Philip and Henry browse through the books on the table. Pause. Philip picks up a book.

  PHILIP (To Joe): Have you read this?

  JOE: Oh God.

  PHILIP: I know what you mean.

  (He puts the book back. Pause.)

  HENRY (With a book): This I found pretty interesting.

  JOE: Did you?

  (Pause. They browse.)

  PHILIP (With another book): I think he really missed the boat on Whitman.